Ladies and gentlemen (mostly gentlemen), we here at My Wife Hates My Xbox believe it's our responsibility--nay, our duty--to provide you, our loyal public, with the most up-to-date and useful information to help you get through your feeble, insignificant lives.
As you can tell by now, we utterly suck at that.
However, we do, on occasion, like weighing in with an opinion here and there which might be valuable, and with the holidays fast approaching you may be asking yourself, "Self, what can I possibly get that strapping buck of a husband to compliment the sexy tool belt I got him last year?"
(Actually, you're probably thinking "How do the hell do I get that lazy fat ass to put on that tool belt and fix the god damn dishwasher? It smells like low tide in there!" But that's between you and him. Or her.)
If you're short on ideas, or aren't able to get a straight answer from him, let us help. We've compiled a brief list of cool shit which is either on that special geeks Christmas list, or would be if he (or she) had any sense. We've also taken into consideration that most (if not all) of you have day jobs and annoying caring families that demand your time, so these were also chosen because you might actually possibly get to enjoy them. Plus they're all easier to find than the Princess Unicorn.
- Gears of War 2 (Xbox 360): How do I not lead off with this? I just finished this game last night in an orgy of blood and mayhem, and it was fantastic. This game starts fast and just keeps ramping up and up in intensity. The set pieces are diverse, awe-inspiring and beautiful, and there's some wicked cool innovations in it (achievement progress meters, anyone?) Better yet, there are tons of save points throughout the "story" (which is basically one multi-hour fire-fight) so you can easily put it down at any time and NOT have to redo everything you just did...very handy if you've just been told you left something in the sink and it needs to be cleaned up NOW!
- Avatar: The Last Airbender, Season 3 (DVD): Alex Albrecht, on a recent episode of the Totally Rad Show, described Avatar "this generation's Star Wars or Lord of the Rings," and as much as a statement like that would generally draw a swift and deadly reprisal (possibly with nuclear weapons) I have to say that I think he's right. Thanks to the magic of Bittorrent I've seen the entire series, and it is EPIC. Amazing! It's a cartoon so you can watch it with your kids (think Miyazaki with more kung fu) and each is only 30 minutes long, so you can parse it out over time. HIGHLY recommended.
- Absolute Sandman (Graphic Novel): The Sandman series may be one of three greatest works of literary fiction of the twentieth century. The Sandman series may also be one of the greatest works of visual storytelling ever created. And now you can buy it in a format that looks good on your bookshelf instead of tucked in cardboard box in your closet.
- Scene It? Box Office Smash (Xbox 360): Finally, a game my wife will play with me! And what's awesome about this (aside from it starting off with a Princess Bride clip the first time I played) is that it comes with individual controllers so you're not yelling out the answers...you actually buzz in. Like Jeopardy! Great for parties when the kids are off wrecking something, and who wouldn't want to earn achievement points by answering movie trivia? (See also, Lips, which I can't play because my wife isn't allowed near microphones when music is playing)
- Planet Earth (DVD): But only on Blu-Ray. Watching it on anything else is like smoking killer weed through a hollowed out apple or a punctured Pepsi can. Super Bowl, Schmuper Bowl....THIS is why we bought the HDTV.
- Playstation 3: Because it's the cheapest Blu-Ray player on the market! I swear, that's why!
- Christopher Walken A to Z. If I have to explain this you don't know us at all.
- Mystery Science Theater 3000: 20th Anniversary Edition (DVD): You probably married us because we were funny and sarcastic, right? We're not half as funny and sarcastic as these dudes. Now that The Shield is over and Heroes sucks, and while we're waiting for Lost and Battlestar Galactica to come back, why not kick back with a bowl of popcorn, a couple garage sale robots, and a shitty movie? We'll call it "date night."
- Anathem by Neal Stephenson (Novel): Stephenson is the last great sci-fi writer--the one who thinks you can take your science like a man. He's ambitious enough to invent an entire universe, expects you to keep up with him, and as a reward he will blow your freakin' mind.
- An external hard drive. By now we've accumulated so much music, photos, and porn movies that we have no where to put it. Anything less than 500 GB is a waste of money, because within a year we'll have enough porn other stuff to fill anything less.
- Bioshock. Because we always recommend Bioshock. We have to. And it's cheap now, so there's no excuse if you haven't played it yet.
Some things I would caution you to avoid:
- Wii games. They're never as good as they should be.
- Left 4 Dead. Don't get me wrong, I think this looks AWESOME but you CANNOT play this without friends to play with (like three of them) and how many dads out there can round up that many guys on the same night outside of the playoffs
- Music, including iTunes gift cards. True geeks stopped paying for music long ago. In fact, why don't you give us your iPod and we'll fill it for you...that Jack Johnson is rotting your brain
- Any gadget in which you haven't been provided the EXACT model number. Otherwise, you'll get us the wrong one. Trust me. It's not your fault...you just will. And then we'll open it and smile and say "thank you" and give you a hug but deep down inside we'll be screaming "SHIT!" because we know you put some effort into it and you'll totally feel bad if we return it.
I hope that was helpful! How how about you...what's on your wish list? Any recommendations you want to share?
And no, I didn't forget Rock Band 2. I just can't recommend something I will always covet but never have...it's just too painful.
Yes, Santa (although it's a little late), I would like a full-grown clone of Greer Garson! And if you don't have any of her blood, skin cells, or whatever, I'll settle for Gillian Anderson!
Posted by: Scott | January 04, 2009 at 05:02 AM